How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
