She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
