You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
