He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
