how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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