my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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