i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
