Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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