I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
