I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
