i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
