It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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