You really coming over, don't trick.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
