So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
