At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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