I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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