insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
