bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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