biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
