he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
