god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
