You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
