So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
