The maid of honor just puked.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
