went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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