(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
