he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
