She's JV to your varsity
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
