We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
