I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
