that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
