His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
