I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
