Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
