You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
