so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
