i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Vodka?
Forever.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
