part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
