At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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