i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
