Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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