she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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