He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
