i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
