dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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