best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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