So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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