I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
