i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
