I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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