Your mouth is God's brothel.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
