Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
