I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
