Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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