Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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