Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
